Mom, I Can't See Your Face !

Written by Mother of Issaku

This is a sad story of a mother and her beloved son. He managed to return home wishing solely to see his mother one last time. However, he was blinded and couldn’t see her face. Eventually, he died early next morning.

7.01 sec.

[Trascription]

“Mom!” I heard Issaku’s voice call out. I flew to the entryway and found him standing there with his hands lifted up. His face was burned, turned gray, and was swollen like a balloon. He had no shirt or pants on, standing barefoot and shivering in his underpants. “Don’t come near or touch me. It hurts too much,” he said, leaving me helpless. I didn’t know what to do.

“I just wanna sleep,” he said. So right away I laid a futon on top of a table for him. He climbed up on his own. It was heartbreaking, not being able to take his little hand and help. The skin on his palm was peeling away, hanging limp and exposing the sand that was still embedded in his flesh. The burn pattern on his head showed where his hat used to be, and his hair was standing on end covered with sand. His eyes and mouth were almost completely swollen shut. He barely resembled the dear Issaku of my memory.

“Mom! I can’t see your face!”

“Try to open your eyes a little. You’ll see me,” I encouraged him, as I came near to his face.

“I see you!” he said. But sadly, by then he probably couldn’t really see me.

“Grandpa! Grandma!” he cried.

We all gathered around his face, calling out his name, “Issaku!”

“Mom, let’s go home to Ube.”

“Yes. When you’re better, dear,” I replied, which seemed to comfort him a little. But then his next words cut me in two:

“Mom, I’m sorry.”

“What are you saying, dear? I’m the one who is sorry!”

Since we could not do much for Issaku at home, we carried him on a board to a clothing warehouse, which was used as a temporary medical facility. But it was so crowded that it seemed like he would never be treated, no matter how long we waited. Just then another air raid siren began.

“Mom, I’ll be fine. You go to the air raid shelter,” he said.

“Mommy’s not going anywhere, dear. I won’t leave you. See, I’m right here with you,” I said as I hovered over him protectively. We stayed like that as the time passed ominously. Then he said,

“Please get me some water.” But someone nearby warned me,

“Don’t let him drink any water, or he will die.” I became frightened at the thought of losing Issaku now, so I didn’t let him drink much after that.

By evening we returned to our broken house that we had not even locked. When dawn came Issaku was quite calm, having little energy left. He was breathing in sighs while he lay motionless in his sleep. Finally, around 6:00 AM, his breathing stopped completely. My poor child. He wanted a drink of water so desperately, and I wanted to let him drink to his heart’s content. Such a regret always haunts my heart.

[日本語原文]

お母ちゃん、顔が見えない！

「お母ちゃん」と一策の声がした。飛んで出たら、玄関に一策が立っていた。両手を上げて、顔は灰色に腫れて丸くなり、パンツ一枚で、シャツもズボンも地下足袋もなく、裸足でぶるぶるふるえていた。「そばへ寄ってさわってはいけない。痛いから」と言うので、どうしてやっていいかわからない。「早く寝たい」と言うので、とっさに机の上に布団を敷いてやると、自分で歩いてその上に寝に行ったが、可哀そうに手を貸してやることもできない。掌の皮は剥けてぶら下がり、砂が食い込んでいる。頭は帽子のあとを残して焼け、髪は一本立ちになって砂でざらざらしている。目も口も腫れつぶれている。今までの一策の面影はない。

「お母ちゃんの顔が見えない」と言うので、

「そっと目を開けてごらん。見えるよ」と顔を近づけると、

「見えた」とは言ったけれど、もうその時は見えなかったのではないかと悲しくなる。

「お祖父ちゃん、お祖母ちゃん、、、、」と呼ぶので、みんな一策の名を呼んでは顔を近づける。

「あ母ちゃん、宇部に帰ろうね」というので、

「一ちゃんがよくなったらね」と言えば、安心したように、

「お母ちゃん、すまんね」と言われて、身が切られるような思い。

「何を言うの、すまんのはお母ちゃんよ」と答えた。

家にいたのでは何の処置もできないので、戸板に乗せて被服しょうへ行ったが満員で、いくら待っても処置してもらえそうにない。そのうちにまた警報がなる。

「お母ちゃん、僕はもういいから早く防空壕に入りなさい」と言う。

「お母ちゃんはね、もうどこにも行かないよ。一ちゃんのそばを離れない。一緒にいるよ」と一策の上におおいかぶさるようにして、不気味なときを過ごした。

「水をちょうだい」と言うが、

「水を飲ましてはいけん。死んでしまう」と誰かに叱られ、死なれてはと思うと怖くなって、それからはあまり飲ませなかった。

夕刻に壊れた戸締りもない家に帰る。夜が明けるにつれておとなしくなったが、もう元気もなく、吐く息ばかりで、静かに寝たまま身動きもせず、そのまま六時ごろに息を引き取った。可哀そうな子。あんなに欲しがっていた水なのに、もっとどんどん心ゆくまで飲ませてやればよかった、と心残りでならない。